my stupid parents.

[FreeStyle08]

well my step sister called me last night so I called her back this morning, and she told me that she was going to kentucky this summer, (as soon as her devorse finalizes) to go see a freind that she has been close to for quite a few year, she asked if I was intrested in going. now keep in mind i would be done with school and all. and I would help her drive. and I said yes, mom was sitting at the table with me and I told her what was going on she said I think that would be really good for me to go. so any way a few hours past and me mom and dad were sitting at the table playing a game, and I asked mom if he had talken to dad about me going (since she will be going in just a few months) and she said no and she said that she had forgoten all about kentucky .

and just as soon as she said that dad said no that I cant go.

well on top of that mom and dad rearly let me do any thing fun like go on a road trip. AND carry even offered to pay for my plane ticket to come home. and what was dads responce to that. "ya right like she will pay your way and I dont want to put out the money to hall your ass back down here"

oh and mom told me not to get my hopes up becuase she doesnt expect carry to fallow through. and I seriously think that they like to bring all my hopes and dreams down. since this isnt the first time they have done this to me.

I think they get a joy out of keeping me confined to oregon and to the house.

right now i have nothing to look forward to for the summer until I called Carry and have a little bit of light in my life. but then have all of them shattered.

I have always dreamed of being out of oregon and visiting some were new and I thought i was about to get a chance but I guess not.

[-Irwin Girl-]

ahh JJ!!!I knwo how hard it is to believe this(andhow much you want to strangle me for the next few words) but your parents do love you, they do care about you and they do want the best for you. It took my, two years aproximatly to not want to strangle people when they siad oh they love you.But I realized they do, they just dont know how to show it.To them teasing, and just ignoring you is fine, my dad only talks to me when hes mad, and its not that he doesnt love me its taht thats when he needs me. My dad brags and brags about me to everyone, but doesnt know how to tell me.Its not his fualt, its jsuthis way of loving me. Just liek your parents are prtecting you and they dont want you to go. When my mum says i love you its so fake, but i know she does love me she jsut shows me in a diffrent way.I personally NEEDhuggy parents, i NEED to be told how amazing,special,kidn,sweet etc I am.And i seriously NEED NEEDNEED to be cuddled. But my parents dont show me love like that, but i foudn people that do.My needs arent what my parents were 'taught' to love.I do love gis,pat,michelle,walt and chuck way more then them, but i do love them.No they are nowhere near the best parents, but whos perfecT? Yes, i do want ot strangle them soemtimes and i cant stand them and yes they didnt belivee me when i told them soemthign deep, but like i said they arent the ebst parents, but they do love me.Things just happen to get in the way sometimes.I do love people mroe tehn them but i do love them, because of how fragile my heart is i will never love them liek i love walt,gis,michelle,pat& chuck, btu i do love them.

Youre parents love you, adn maybe theres a reason for you to stay home.Maybe youll learn,realize opr accoplish soemthign great.

So now that youre like omg whats wrong with yuo kansas, ill shut up.I know youre ready to throttle me, and thats okay.For it took me a long time to admit to myself that ym parents do love me.Yes my relationship with them is difficult b/c of thefact of how they do thigsn and what i need, but people you love will always say no and always tell yuo things you dont want to hear(meanign you must really love me atm lol)

[FreeStyle08]

thanks kansas I cant figure out why you are taking there side here but honestly when i read that you had brought tears to my eyes. and its hard to belive but before I came on here I was extreamly angree and was about to blow my top but I came on here read that and it for some reason it took all my angre out.

and im just like you I loved to be hugged and cuddled and I veary rearly get that. from any body.

I love you kansas

[Cassie]

Aww, I'm sorry JJ. If the only reason they're giving you for staying is that they dont think Carry will pay and they dont want to pay, why dont you ask them if they'll let you if you pay for it yourself?

[FreeStyle08]

that would help except I dont have any money and right now I cant get any money. but ive been thinking also what about show season and stuff I mean saddly to say baby is starting to hit the end of his road in dressage and If i skip this year im right back to sqear 1 with intro and no left lead.

im going to be extreamly lucky if its not already to late and he has totly forgotten what a left lead was because it seem like it takes him almost the hole show season before he remembers how to pick it up. and then the weather gets bad and this year I havent been able to ride but only 2 times just for a few minutes bareback out of about 3 months now.

but becuase of his build the more he collects up the less air he can get through his windpipe so im going to be lucky if I can even get to 1st level with him. that is IF i can get the left lead and keep it.

[-Irwin Girl-]

I know its hard when somebody you love cant give you what you need, When i was exposed to hugs when i met pat, i realized what id been missing.Although it did take me awhile to trust somebody enough to love them, I did evetuallyand its made me a better person.But I still do constantly ask myself do they really love me, do they really like me,do they really want me around etc.Its OKAY to ask questions, for its hard to trust and forgive especially after youve been hurt.I still have so much anger towards my step grandfather, and thats okay.Everything about feelings is okay, because thats who you are.If you feel your parents are totally annoying, thats okay because parents are always annoying and always say no.(wether they are your real parents or parents youve found, the downside to having 3 sets is 3 diffrent staements and 3 diffrent nos.It gets really confsuing when two say yes and oen says no)They always tell you to put on a hat,dress warm and they always embaress you.(my parents never did alot of that,so ti was a whole new thign being told at 13 to wear a hat for a three mintue walk b/c my hair was wet.But i did it, because i knew they cared about me and wanted me to stay warm(they was more like she or gis) and the funny thign is later that day she said she saw me walking out the drive with my hood up and was suprised, for michelle and leanna(her daughters) would never have listened.So not getting something from sombody is good, and will turn into something better.You may nto reciveve what yuo need now, but you will give your kids that.You will give your husband that and you will give many people that)They love you JJ, they just don't show it they way you would liek to see it.Soemthign good comes out of everything, I look at the people around me and realize that.Especially with Gis, her parents where never huggy, but she is because she didnt get it but wanted it, her oldest daughter actually asked her not to hug her so much.(oh and btw three sets of parents means three times the embaressment!Seriosuly me and gis cant walk in high heels..but we went to s shoe store and what did we try on?high heels.But instead of thinking about how embarressing and stupid you look, relax and have fun!For peopel are jealous of fun, they want to have fun.Because people who ahev fun ARE cool.